I recently spent a fantastic week in a Catholic monastery.
Here is a small (yet long!) piece of my experience, and a few pictures from
the trip. Enjoy =).
(All photos were taken by me, with
permission. Copyright.)
Day 1, Friday.
Today I arrived at Southern Star Abbey, the monastery in Kopua. Kopua is
just a bit further north than Dannevirke, and the monastery is in the middle of
a big farm.
It has been a wonderful day.
The monastery is a beautiful place. The guesthouse holds up to 11 people, and
it’s gorgeous. It was designed for light and form, not ornamentation. The
colours are lovely and it’s open and spacious.
Straight away I felt very at home here. There is a strong sense of peace about
the whole farm. It’s quiet, it’s still. It’s inviting.
Part of this monastic way of life is being hospitable, and I think they do it
extremely well.
After being shown around I met some of the other guests. Typically, I was the youngest
haha. Everyone was very friendly and we shared “dinner” together around a few
tables.
It was very interesting to hear some of the people’s stories as we ate – why
they came to the monastery, where they were from, parts of their pain. Even
though we spoke only briefly, I felt a renewed compassion for other people.
Some awful things happen in life, things that really don’t seem to be fair.
Though the joy of knowing Christ was equally present among these conversations.
Everyone I have met today is seeking God, drawing closer to Him, exploring His
love, and really finding His presence.
I read through some of the guestbook today, and one man had written,
“Found God
– he’s here!”
And it’s true.
Yes, God is present everywhere, always, but there is a thickness
to this air.
God’s presence dwells here.
As I walked the grounds after dinner I felt soaked in Him. As I sat down and
looked at the landscape, tears welled up within me and dribbled down my face.
Tears of fullness, of gladness, of true contentment.
I didn’t want to interrupt this tangible presence so I sat a long time. What a
great week this will be!
In the afternoon I walked and explored the bush and the river. It’s not a huge
farm, but it’s so open. I felt I could breathe, and this freedom thrilled me.
The blaring silence made me smile and praise God for this wonderful experience.
Shortly after 5 there was “tea.” A lighter meal, which was vegetable soup that
included MUSHROOMS!! Boy was I loving it =).
Quite a few guests had left so we all sat at one table. I talked with a lovely
Australian woman about her life’s adventures. I heard the latest cricket scores
from a new guest – deeply exciting stuff. An India couple told us about their
childhood, and an English Brother shared political stories which mostly I
didn’t understand but was happy to listen too.
Even though I was among strangers, we felt like a big, multi-cultural family.
The monastery has a wonderful vibe. People are free to do what they want, yet
everyone is very friendly.
After tea was the
Evening Prayer and
Compline. This was the first time I saw
the monks. I don’t know much about Catholic monasteries, and as I had never
been to one I sat at the back and observed. Both services went for about half
an hour. We sang hymns and Psalms, heard a sermon, and spent a decent amount
of time in silent meditation. I later found out it was only 15 minutes but it
felt a lot longer! Sitting silently in a room with a bunch of other people is
really beautiful.
The singing was slightly difficult as I didn’t know any of the tunes and I
could hear my own wobbly voice way too loudly haha! The sermon was short and
mostly good. One quote I remember a Father saying was,
“Christianity is not a moral theory; it’s a love story between God and
humanity, which is consecrated in Jesus Christ.”
Pretty beautiful hey?
Christianity is a living, dynamic faith. It’s practical and out-worked; not
theoretical and stagnant. Faith, while shown in multiple ways, is always done.
It’s acted. It’s lived.
“Loving Father,
Thank you for bringing me
here and expanding my viewpoint on what genuine faith in you looks like. May
you bless all those who live here in the monastery with a continuous passion
for you. May the monks inspire me to have a radical, disciplined, and daily faith.
Thank you for your peace and presence in this beautiful place. Please reveal
your heart and truth to me while I am here, and open my eyes to seeing you
wherever I go. Amen.”
After Compline the
Great Silence is observed until Community Mass tomorrow at 8am. It’s
nice to finish the day with silence. Time to reflect, pray, and rest is so
necessary.
At the end of my first day I’m feeling peaceful, satisfied, and very happy.
Thank you Jesus! (P.T.L! =p)
Day 3, Sunday.
At the end of my third day here I am feeling great. I am now
settled in, used to the rhythm, familiar with what happens at what time.
Every day I have been exploring the area around the monastery, and yesterday I
found “my place.” It’s a small walk, through some trees, down a track, then
through some bushes until you reach the river. Here I walked through the water
and found some comfy rocks to sit on and listen to the rapids. I felt overjoyed
to find a perfect wee spot, hidden away, that I could claim as my own.
I sat there for a couple of hours, praying, meditating, and thinking, all the
while smiling at the beauty.
It’s so easy to praise God for His creativity and majesty when you are
surrounded by such wonderful creation. Yet I long to praise Him with such ease no matter what surrounds me.
After tea I went to
Evening
Prayer then skipped
Compline to
watch the sunset out the back of the farm. Sadly some thick clouds covered most
of it, but it was still so gorgeous to watch the sun slowly hide behind such a
stunning back-drop.
Then to my delight the stars came out on a cloudless sky.
I lay on the grass for some time, gazing at their beauty. The stars are
something that have always reminded and reassured me of God’s presence. And
seeing them in this country, in such high definition with nothing to interrupt
them, was a true delight.
Today is Sunday, and at 10am there was Community
Mass. A number of people from local farms and close towns joined us for the
Mass. It was so different to any service during the week! There were children
crying and playing, rather than the usual stiff silence. While that proved
rather distracting it was nice to have a fuller church.
I met some of the locals after church and a lady spoke with
me about the wonderful atmosphere here at the monastery. She noted the
hospitality of the monks, saying, “They are so inviting. They don’t need to
know your background, or who you are, they just welcome you in.”
And it’s so true! Many of the Fathers have asked me what I do with my time, but
only out of politeness, not necessity. They are some of the most accepting
people I’ve ever met.
It’s such a great example.
I went on a big walk today and found another great spot by
the river. I stayed a few hours, singing, praying, and writing poems. The creative
juices certainly flow when you’ve got nothing to distract you!
I definitely do not miss checking Facebook
or replying to texts =).
Tonight I spent a couple of hours talking with a lady visiting from Palmy. She
is a counsellor, and so easy to talk with. We discussed our families, struggles
with the Church, why we were here, and what we deemed important in life.
Meeting her was great – we were able to talk deeply and honestly with each
other. The other guests have kind of kept to themselves, and I’ve only really
seen them at meal times. Which is cool, but it was nice to connect a bit more
with someone.
At this point I’d definitely say that you all should come to
this place! It’s so, so peaceful. It’s relaxing, it’s restful, it’s
interesting, it’s different, and it’s very comfy.
I’m so grateful these places exist, and bring such benefit to both the guests
and those who live here permanently.
“God, thank you that these wonderful places occur right here in New Zealand.
You call people into many different areas of life, and that diversity is
awesome. Please continue to bless those who come to this monastery, and deepen
the sense of Your presence and closeness here. Continue to challenge me and
speak to me, I pray. May all glory and praise go to You and Your loving cause,
Jesus. With gratitude, Amen.”
Day 4, Monday.
After going to the
Prayer
of the Sixth Hour today
I stayed
after the service and sat looking at the church.
It’s so different to my church, and to any church I’ve been in, even other Catholic
ones.
From what I’ve observed, and after reading some given literature on it, this is
what the church here is all about.
When you enter the church there is a table for the service books, with the
holy water stoup next to it. The holy
water is in a bowl, and those entering the church dip their fingers into it,
then put the water somewhere on their bodies. People here seem to mainly put it
on their foreheads. This water is used to bless them, in remembrance of their
baptism.
In front of this are the pews, where the congregation sits.
On the left and right sides of the church are the
Choir Stalls which the monks stand and sit in. Here they chant the
Divine Office, which is the official
Prayer of the Church. There is also an
organ nearby, which the
Abbot or a
companion sometimes plays to support the
chanting.
The chanting consists of singing hymns, psalms, and other prayers or
benedictions. One Father told me each monk has to have proper singing lessons
haha! It’s understandable; the services mainly consist of singing.
Between the two sets of choir stalls is a high table. This
is the Altar, on which the Mass is
celebrated each day. During the Mass the wine and bread are consecrated by a
priest, “to become the true Body and Blood of Christ.” Communion is then served
from this table.
Behind the altar is the
Lectern.
This is where the scriptures and other writings are proclaimed during the Mass
or the
Prayer of the Church. The
priests speak into a microphone so everyone can hear, and a number of them kiss
the Bible after reading scriptures from it.
On a small table at the back of the church is the Tabernacle. The Sacred Host is kept in the Tabernacle, which is the bread that has
been changed into the Body of Christ at Mass.
The priests write, “Jesus is truly present in the Sacred Host. Because of the
Lord’s presence, when we enter or leave the church, or on moving from one side
to the other, we all bow to the Lord present in the Tabernacle.”
This bowing happens multiple times during any service. When certain prayers are
sung the congregation and the monks face the Tabernacle and bow to it.
To the left of the Tabernacle is the
processional Crucifix, a wooden cross with Jesus hanging on it.
Just left of this is the entrance to the Meditation Room. As you enter there is
the
Sanctuary Light. “This indicates
that the Lord is present in the Tabernacle.” This light is always on.
On the back wall of the Meditation Room is another Tabernacle, where the
Sacred Host is kept.
“This allows us to feel very close to God in our meditation or contemplation.”
The community of monks (and any guests who want to join)
celebrate the
Divine Office seven
times a day. These are done at 4am, 6am, 8am, 11:30am, 2pm, 5:15pm, and 8pm on
weekday, and at slightly different times on a Sunday. The whole book of Psalms
is recited during a two weekly cycle. Which is pretty awesome!
A lot of this monastic life is awesome. It’s so different to
anything I’ve experienced.
There is such dedication given by the priests here, both in the sacrifice
they’ve made to God and the way they treat their guests. They serve their community
and God very selflessly.
And I think it is just
beautiful.
Day 7, Thursday.
Today is my last full day here at Southern Star Abbey. Which
is kind of a shame, but I also think I am ready to leave. I wrote a letter to a
friend the other day saying how being in the middle of nowhere is so freeing,
like taking a much needed breathe of air. Yet I noted, “It’s tough though too,
being away from normal life and people I know. Tough mainly because I don’t
want to lose this close connection with God when I return to the distractions
of everyday life.”
It’s easy to cling to God when you’ve got nothing else
around you. It is hard being so isolated, and you miss that comfy sense of
familiarity, but you still feel it. You feel it inside, that you are home. Home
because God is our true Home, and He promises to always be with us.
I’ve definitely experienced a new part of my Home this week.
How stuck we can get in our own traditions or ways of worshipping God.
Being a Protestant, not a Catholic, a lot of what happens here is very new and
unusual to me. To be honest I kind of smirked at this way of life at the
beginning. I thought parts of the Catholic practices here were funny or
amusing.
But I’ve come to realise that everything these Catholic monks or lay-people do
is saturated in meaning. Everything has a reason behind it. And generally
people know what that reason is.
Which is a beautiful thing – to have, and know, reasons behind the way you
practice your faith.
There have been times in my faith journey when I’ve not understood properly why
I practised Christianity the way I did. But these Christian’s know what they
are doing, and why they do it, bringing a deep sense of meaning to their
spirituality.
I think what confused me most about Catholicism was how
repetitive it is. The services here, and regular weekly masses elsewhere, move
in cycles. The monks here repeat the same prayers, psalms, and hymns – spread
over time but they never change. I asked, how can they say the same thing again
and again yet keep recognising its specialness or meaning?
A friend of mine once told me she withheld saying “I love
you” to her boyfriend until she was sure that she really meant it. Then after
she had told him, she was scared to say it to him all the time because she
wanted it to be a special phrase. She thought if she said it a lot it would
become regular, usual, and would lose the beauty of its meaning. She soon realised
this was a silly worry. Repeating the words “I love you” didn’t make them
meaningless, because her love for her boyfriend grew and changed.
Likewise, a Christian’s love for God is always growing and
changing. So even though these Catholics might be saying the same prayers and
hymns over and over, the thought behind the words is different. They can be
said each time with a new perspective, conviction, and love.
I’m so glad God has given me a deeper respect for Catholicism, and for the
diversity of worship in general. I’ve certainly had my perspective on faith
broadened while being here.
I grew up in church, so I’ve been taking communion for
basically my whole life.
Yet I’ve never been so moved by communion as I was when
I took it here, two days ago.
I felt deeper the sacrifice and love of Christ’s death, as well as the
appreciation I have for our consequent salvation.
I’m not sure if this was a break-through – or more of a
break-down! =p.
I’ve been feeling and crying a LOT this past week.
And despite this wealth of emotion and stirring within my heart, I’m still not
entirely sure what God is trying to communicate to me. I think what He’s saying
is that He is with me. And He’ll never
leave. And He notices me, cares for me, and loves me in a unique and special
way.
Which sounds so simple, so utterly basic! It’s something I
learnt long ago, back in Children’s Church.
Yet it is a truth I
frequently forget, and a truth I’m delighted at when reminded of it.
I’ve started to read a delightful book by Henri J.M. Nouwen,
called ‘The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming.’ To so much of
the author’s struggles I can relate.
In one part I read this morning he says this,
Although claiming my true
identity as a child of God, I still live as though the God to whom I am
returning demands an explanation. I still think about his love as conditional
and about home as a place I am not yet fully sure of. While walking home, I
keep entertaining doubts about whether I will be truly welcome when I get
there.
As I look at my spiritual journey, my long and fatiguing trip home, I see how
full it is of guilt about the past and worries about the future. I realise my
failures and know that I have lost the dignity of my sonship, but I am not yet
able to fully believe that where my failings are great, “grace is always
greater.”
(Page 52).
Pastor’s say, “There is nothing you can do to make God love
you more, or to make God love you less.” And I soo struggle to believe that,
but it’s actually true.
God’s gift is unconditional love.
While my love is not
enough, Jesus’ love is more than sufficient.
With grace and peace,
La. x
