Truth-full.

Lately I have been struggling a bit with seeing clearly.

It’s not that life isn't great right now, in fact it’s the best it’s been for a long time.
But still in the classic nature of the flesh, I've been selfish.
I've wanted more.

I've been slightly dissatisfied with my current state of being.
Mainly because I have NOTHING going on in my love life and I started fearing I was past my use-by date.
Which is a lie, but you know the crazy places a young-adults brain goes.

So, I've turned to prayer.
In seeking truth I've gone to the only place, the only Him that is truth:
                Jesus Christ.

I've asked for honestly and revelation, and He has surely given it to me.
In surprisingly beautiful ways.

See here I was thinking life wasn't quite enough, so God hung out with me for a while and showed me a deeper piece of His heart. He is grace, mercy, love, truth, beauty.
                He is more than enough.

But alas, back to boys.
I have a wee crush on a certain someone who I am sure doesn't return the feelings. Yet being a dreamer, I have conjured up silly stories in moments of weakness. Then been rather disappointed as I come back down to earth.

But no more will I live outside of truth!
I will face it boldly, and embrace things
                as
                they
                are.

And trust that they are that way because that’s where God wants them.

So I wrote a poem.
This one goes out to all the single ladies crushing on a guy who can't quite see they should really be in love with you. Hahaha! Enjoy =).

With grace and peace,
La. x

HEARTACHE FROM A DREAMER.
Written 9^th June 2013

Boy, who are you
to me?
In my clouded eyes you are hope,
Full of potential and mystery.
You haven’t quite figured it out yet, but perhaps you are
the one
who is intended only for
me.

We’ll share secrets
and love
We’ll dream and plan and carry out these things
no matter
what it takes. We’ll make
mistakes
and then forgive one another, saying it doesn't really matter
because we are
in
love.

This is the you of my mind,
caged and restricted by my imagination,
under my control and
really,
even though all of this is
beautiful
all of this is
fiction.

Because boy, who are you
really?
You are a just a guy I've met a few times.
A guy a kind of know.
A guy who I want to grow
in relationship and connection with. But it may
never
happen. We may forever just be acquaintances,
loose friends,
a couple of people who kinda sorta know each another.

And this sucks, this
truth
that smacks me in the face sucks.
The truth that wakes me up from my dreams and faces me boldly each day.
Sucks.

But what’s worse are the
lies
I conjure up. The fantasies I spend moments
delighting
in. Pushing aside the fact that they are
false, created, scripted.
A habit at which I’m so unfortunately gifted.

But this truth just has to be.
For we are in this world to know truly,
and to clearly see.
In the words of Alexander Supertramp, rather than
love,
money,
faith,
fame,
fairness,
truth, give me.

So here I go, watch me,
sadly stepping out into the known, the actual,
reluctantly facing
reality.