Sunday, 30 December 2012


The other night my five-year-old nephew and I built a fort that we could sleep in for the night. We gathered blankets, pillows, and sheets and arranged them in an adequate fashion.
I tucked my nephew into bed, read him a story, told him I’d be there later, and kissed him goodnight.

When I returned I found him being a total fort hog, lying right in the middle! I moved him around and he awoke.
“You comfy?” I asked
“Yup. I love this fort Aunty.”
“Haha great, I am going to tell you about this when you are my age. Good night darling.” I kissed him again and he instantly fell asleep.

As I watched him in the low light, I began to weep.
            Not just from my eyes, from my heart.

I wept for two reasons.
Firstly, I was sad because I saw the pair of us lying safely under the fort, and realised we were two generations of fatherless children.

When I was three my father left and I’ve seen him since, but I do not consider him my dad. More of an acquaintance. Or a far-away cousin, who you don’t really know but you send them a Christmas card just out of courtesy.
My nephew was born out of wedlock, and my sister is no longer with the guy. He’s okay I guess, but he doesn't offer the relationship of a close and present father.
I cried because I understood that my nephew would grow up with only half an identity, half a heart.
             Like me.

Secondly, I cried because I felt the presence of Jesus.
I prayed and asked that my nephew would grow up knowing a father. A real dad for him to play with, and ask questions, and who would love my sister.
And for a heavenly Father, who would love him unconditionally forever.

Luckily I have both of these fathers.
Tonga, a guy from my church, has most definitely taken on the father-figure role in my life. I don’t think it was ever intended but it just happened. And it’s beautiful.
I know in Tonga I find trust, safety, and love, and I don’t find abuse, abandonment, or judgement.
Sadly my mother never remarried, but gladly Tonga came along. And I am so grateful.
I’ve also always had a relationship with God.
He’s revealed His love, confidence, beauty, heart, and magnificence to me over the years. This is a Father who I am certain will never walk away.

So Jesus, thank you that you have provided me with two wonderful fathers who know and love me. I pray my precious nephew experiences the same. May I always listen to his pain, understand it, and carry a little piece of it with me. Thank you for your provision. Amen.

My darling nephew stirred once more, as I stroked his hair. I said, “You are so special baby.”
“I know.” He replied.
“May you always know that…”
As I went to sleep in our fort, his tiny arms wrapped around me, my pillow still soggy from tears, I felt like the luckiest Aunty in the world.

Yahweh, the Lord Almighty, Wonderful Redeemer, God, Father to the Fatherless…

With grace and peace,
La x.


  1. Welcome to blogsville Laura. :) And thanks for your sharing.

  2. That is so lovely. Claudia sent me over and I will add you to the Christchurch bloggers page on my blog. If you'd like to be part of get togethers etc please flick me an email and I'll add you to that list too. Miriam

  3. Thanks Claudia =). And yes Miriam! What are these get togethers? How can I get your email address?